Mortimer

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Everything posted by Mortimer

  1. Mortimer

    Raiders agree to trade Khalil Mack to Bears

    "his approach has often raised eyebrows."
  2. Mortimer

    Antonio Brown skips team meetings

    That's because they never had Chip Kelly.
  3. Mortimer

    Raiders agree to trade Khalil Mack to Bears

    You forgot Wendy's free medium Frosty coupons for every man on the team.
  4. I made more than that selling pork bellies last week.
  5. Think my first was Outland in 1981.
  6. I don't know about that. My brother Randolph and I had a bad experience with FCOJ back in 1983.
  7. Mortimer

    Johnny Manziel

    At least he picked the appropriate jersey number.
  8. Mortimer

    Jones stated that Cowboys will stand.

    After eight years of that racist, isn't it great to have Trump in charge now?
  9. Mortimer

    49ers QB Jimmy G Likes His Women Meaty and Sleazy

    Jimmy G was the actor that played John Cusack's little brother in Better Off Dead. He snuck that book on How to Pick up Trashy Women off the set and it is really starting to pay dividends now.
  10. Mortimer

    Tebow's Hypocrisy vs. Wentz' genuineness

    What in the Wide, Wide World of Sports are you talking about? Taking marriage vows involves being in a relationship in which both people are in love with each other, not some "You've reached Age 30 - it's time to get married!" check box.
  11. Mortimer

    Ongoing Derek Carr Thread

    Which player played a bigger part?
  12. Mortimer

    McAdoo says Philly can't handle success

    Seems more like McA**** can't handle Dougie P's success.
  13. Mortimer

    LeSean McCoy Accusations

    It's a new adult film, starring Rosie O'Donnell. Probably not for the faint of heart.
  14. Mortimer

    Rank the Owner, GM, HC, and QBs in the Division.

    The Cowboys brand was already huge before Jones bought the team. He's promoted them well, but had a hell of a great start.
  15. Mortimer

    Ongoing Derek Carr Thread

    No matter how many Super Bowls Nick Foles wins, he will never be able to make all the throws, because he just doesn't have the arm talent of Derrick Carr. And who else does, really? No one, that's who.
  16. Mortimer

    Ryan Tannenhill goes down with what looks like ACL

    RTK's own maniacal desperation to trade Nick Foles must have been what he was referring to.
  17. Mortimer

    Ben Doesn't Know Why Steelers Went QB

    Druish princesses are often attracted to men with money and power. I have both and you know it!
  18. That's because he already has a Derek Carr sex doll.
  19. Mortimer

    Kirk Cousins is the next Brees

    Lots of sizzle but no steak. The Vikings and Cousins are a match made in heaven.
  20. Mortimer

    Superstars signing with a division rival.

    Sam Mills was my favorite Philadelphia Stars player. He was a monster. I loved how he was only 5',9" but weighed 225 lbs - because at the time, I was 5',10" and weighed 130 lbs.
  21. Mortimer

    Sam Bradford to Cardinals: 1 year/$20 Million

    I saw one poster wrote: "Healthy Sam is a Super Bowl QB". Healthy Sam.
  22. Mortimer

    Sam Bradford to Cardinals: 1 year/$20 Million

    This dude is still getting filthy rich just because he was the #1 pick. These GMs keep falling for the allure of his meaningless potential.
  23. Mortimer

    Richard Sherman lands in San Francisco

    If every contract had a base salary and incentives for every performance metric added $ - a true meritocracy - that would be an interesting concept. Evey rookie player starts at the same pay and their performance (along with incremental bonuses for years played) determines how high the payday goes. The starting salaries would be much lower across the board, but guaranteed to protect the players from injury. Owners wouldn't get saddled with overpaid stiffs and players would get paid their true worth. Owners and fans would get players that try hard all the time. But the players would never go for this in a million years. They want millions guaranteed, right out of the gate.
  24. Mortimer

    Ongoing Derek Carr Thread

    He took it to the next level and joined a monastery.