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Everything posted by Mortimer

  1. That's because he already has a Derek Carr sex doll.
  2. Mortimer

    Kirk Cousins is the next Brees

    Lots of sizzle but no steak. The Vikings and Cousins are a match made in heaven.
  3. Mortimer

    Superstars signing with a division rival.

    Sam Mills was my favorite Philadelphia Stars player. He was a monster. I loved how he was only 5',9" but weighed 225 lbs - because at the time, I was 5',10" and weighed 130 lbs.
  4. Mortimer

    Sam Bradford to Cardinals: 1 year/$20 Million

    I saw one poster wrote: "Healthy Sam is a Super Bowl QB". Healthy Sam.
  5. Mortimer

    Sam Bradford to Cardinals: 1 year/$20 Million

    This dude is still getting filthy rich just because he was the #1 pick. These GMs keep falling for the allure of his meaningless potential.
  6. Mortimer

    Richard Sherman lands in San Francisco

    If every contract had a base salary and incentives for every performance metric added $ - a true meritocracy - that would be an interesting concept. Evey rookie player starts at the same pay and their performance (along with incremental bonuses for years played) determines how high the payday goes. The starting salaries would be much lower across the board, but guaranteed to protect the players from injury. Owners wouldn't get saddled with overpaid stiffs and players would get paid their true worth. Owners and fans would get players that try hard all the time. But the players would never go for this in a million years. They want millions guaranteed, right out of the gate.
  7. Mortimer

    Ongoing Derek Carr Thread

    He took it to the next level and joined a monastery.
  8. Mortimer

    Ongoing Derek Carr Thread

    It should also say Pro Bowl MVP.
  9. Mortimer

    What Pats fans are saying as their dynasty crumbles

    Just like Bo Callahan!
  10. Mortimer

    From ChiefsPlanet: Did we let the wrong coach go?

    To answer their question: yes, yes you did.
  11. Mortimer

    Alex Smith to Washington

    Pretty much exactly how I feel. Giving up Fuller was a bridge too far. Smith is underrated IMO, but he is kind of like the Andy Reid of QBs: wins a lot in the regular season but comes up small against quality competition.
  12. Mortimer

    Alex Smith to Washington

    Oh, it's really bad. Right at the end when the Army comes to save him, but he already killed everyone and gets in the plane with his daughter and the stewardess/pilot. Goes something like: "Somewhere.....somehow.....someone....." with a heavy two note guitar riff in between the words. Like a bad Survivor cover band.
  13. Mortimer

    Alex Smith to Washington

    Sounds just like the lyrics from that dumb song at the end of Commando.
  14. Mortimer

    Teams you hate worse than the Patriots? If any?

    Didn't the Generals move to Cleveland a few years back?
  15. Mortimer

    Cowboys paving way for Bryant release?

    That is from Better Off Dead. And yes, he only speaks as Howard Cosell.
  16. Mortimer

    T.O. Takes Another Swipe At McNabb

    I don't think Mcnabb gets enough blame for that feud. Andy is also responsible for letting things get so far out of hand. Sure, TO is the most culpable but McNabb's ego was just as big and he could not stand the fans loving TO. He wanted him gone.
  17. Mortimer

    Donovan Mc5 Fired Again!

    WET would be considered hateful and racist and violently protested by everyone in media, led by BET.
  18. Mortimer

    Donovan Mc5 Fired Again!

    Would have preferred a vintage pic of Barbie Benton.
  19. Mortimer

    Donovan Mc5 Fired Again!

    I always thought it was air banjo. Fun fact: Numba 5 was a big fan of Hee Haw.
  20. Mortimer

    Marvin Lewis is BACK! 2 year extension with Bengals

    Trust the process!
  21. Andy abandoning the run - who'da thunk it? Isn't it funny how casual fans realize the necessity for a balanced attack but professional coaches can't figure it out?
  22. Mortimer

    AFC Wildcard: Titans @ Chiefs.

    Yeah. The way they lost that game was sickening. My brother said "they'll be back next year" but I didn't believe that at all. Still had a chance though.
  23. Mortimer

    AFC Wildcard: Titans @ Chiefs.

    Don't forget the tried and true: "we'll have to look at the film".